“You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value of the products increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building”
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
- The 1st floor sign on the door reads: Floor 1 – These men have jobs
- The 2nd floor sign reads: Floor 2 – These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
- The 3rd floor sign reads: Floor 3 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids and are extremely good looking.
“Wow” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the 4th floor and the sign reads:
- Floor 4 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help with Housework.
“Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!”
Still, she goes to the 5th floor and sign reads:
- Floor 5 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the sign reads:
- Floor 6 – You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
To avoid gender bias charges, the store’s owner opens a New Wives store just across the street.
- The 1st first floor has wives that love sex.
- The 2nd floor has wives that love sex and have money.
The 3rd – 6th floors have never been visited.
DBW: “please leave the lights in the cellar on. That energy-saving light bulb takes too long to light up!”
Somehow, I don’t quite think she’s got the general idea..
On the first day, God created the dog and said:
‘Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.’
The dog said: ‘That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten?’
So God agreed.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said:
‘Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I’ll give you a twenty-year life span.’
The monkey said: ‘Monkey tricks for twenty years? That’s a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?’
And God agreed.
On the third day, God created the cow and said:
‘You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.’
The cow said: ‘That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I’ll give back the other forty?’
And God agreed again.
On the fourth day, God created man and said:
‘Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I’ll give you twenty years.’
But man said: ‘Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?’
‘Okay,’ said God, ‘You asked for it.’
So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I’m doing it as a public service.
Nearly forgot to tell you why we had the painter around last Friday..
Well, it’s like this: DBW finally started to notice that the days are getting sunnier, the birds are chirping louder, the grass is greener… SPRING IS HERE!!
So she decided to give our hall a going over and get rid of the “Christmas colour”:
There are a myriad things I could have imagined doing on such a glorious Sunday:
- a walk along the Rhine
- lying under the cherry tree with a good book
- lying under the cherry tree observing my eyelids from the inside
But DBW had other plans….
Let’s sort out the Christmas decorations!
Yeeeah! Oh joy, what fun!
So I spent most of the afternoon carting down boxes, and more boxes, and even more boxes of yuletide-related stuff from the attic and piling it on the kitchen table (from where it is due to be sorted and teleported down to new shelves in a newly asceptisized (and car-free) garage).
BTW: I hope nobody plans on popping by for lunch during the next couple of days…