Ladies and Gentlemen, the Viiiiiiiiiiiic, in concert, liiiiiive from Zurzach:

I’ll admit: at our age, you’d do ANYTHING to spice up your sex life.

But when DBW told me to use the “Pussy” sheets when making our bed, I was expecting something different..

Yes: they are OUR bedsheets. There wouldn’t be two sets otherwise, would there?

I’ve been married for nearly 17 19 20 years now, but there is one situation I have NEVER quite managed to handle:

Believe me: as much as I have tried, reaching into the bottomless depths of my superior intellect, I have yet to come up with the ideal answer.

I mean, if the question is asked, it must be for a reason; DBW rarely fishes for compliments.

The obvious replies (and their outcome) are:

You can guess my favorite, but I am seriously running out of body parts…

DBW: “Sarah, do you mind explaining why your bedroom always looks like a bomb has hit it?”

Sarah: “what do you expect? I’m a TEENAGER!!!!”

Bavarian men might want to rethink their annual Oktoberfest revels in light of a new study”

“You have to hope that this study is flawed, but the evidence seems irrefutable. Several months ago, scientists at Europe’s annual human reproduction conference suggested that the results of a recent analysis revealed the presence of female hormones in beer, and suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption. The theory is that drinking beer turns men into women.

To test the theory, 100 men were each fed six pints of beer within a one hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn’t drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, had to sit down while urinating, couldn’t perform sexually, and refused to apologize when wrong.

No further testing is planned.