Why Airplanes Are Better Than Women

  • An airplane will kill you quick . . . a woman takes her time.
  • Airplanes like to do it inverted.
  • Airplanes can be turned on by a flick of a switch.
  • An airplane does not get mad if you ‘touch and go.’
  • An airplane does not object to a preflight inspection.
  • Airplanes come with manuals.
  • Airplanes have strict weight and balance limits.
  • You can fly an airplane any time of the month.
  • Airplanes don’t have parents.
  • Airplanes don’t whine unless something is really wrong.
  • Airplanes don’t care about how many other airplanes you have flown.
  • When flying, you and your airplane both arrive at the same time.
  • Airplanes don’t mind if you look at other airplanes, or if you buy airplane magazines
  • If your airplane is too loose, you can tighten it.
  • It’s always OK to use tie downs on your airplane.

Laughing

Water vs. Coke

WATER

  • 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated. (This likely applies to half the world population.)
  • In 37% of Americans, the thirst mechanism is so weak that it is often mistaken for hunger.
  • Even MILD dehydration will slow down one’s metabolism as much as 3%.
  • One glass of water will shut down midnight hunger pangs for almost 100% of the dieters studied (in a University of Washington study).
  • Lack of water is the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue.
  • Preliminary research indicates that 8 to 10 glasses of water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80% of sufferers.
  • A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on the computer screen or on a printed page.
  • Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of colon cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast cancer by 79%, and one is 50% less likely to develop bladder cancer.

COKE

  • In many states the highway patrol carries two gallons (approx. 7.5 liters) of Coke in the trunk to remove blood from the highway after a car accident.
  • You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of Coke and it will be gone in two days.
  • To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet bowl and let the “real thing” sit for one hour, then flush clean. The citric acid in Coke removes stains from vitreous china.
  • To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers: Rub the bumper with a rumpled-up piece of aluminum foil dipped in Coca-Cola.
  • To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour a can of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble away the corrosion.
  • To loosen a rusted bolt: Applying a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola to the rusted bolt for several minutes.
  • To bake a moist ham: Empty a can of Coca-Cola into the baking pan, wrap the ham in aluminum foil, and bake. Thirty minutes before the ham is finished, remove the foil, allowing the drippings to mix with the Coke for a sumptuous brown gravy.
  • To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of Coke into a load of greasy clothes, add detergent, and run through a regular cycle. The Coca-Cola will help loosen grease stains.
  • Coke will also clean road haze from your windshield.

FOR YOUR INFORMATION:

  • The active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid. Its pH is 2.8. It will dissolve a nail in about four days. Phosphoric acid also leaches calcium from bones and is a major contributor to the rising increase in osteoporosis.
  • To carry Coca-Cola syrup (the concentrate) the commercial truck must use the “Hazardous Material” place cards reserved for highly corrosive materials.
  • The distributors of Coke have been using it to clean the engines of their trucks for about 20 years!

Now the question is, would YOU like a glass of water or Coke? Shocked

What Women Say..And What They REALLY Mean

ARE YOU WILLING TO: This means you better do it.

FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use “fine” to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of “those” arguments.

FIVE MINUTES: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it’s an even trade.

NOTHING: This means “something” and you should be on your toes. “Nothing” is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. “Nothing” usually signifies an argument that will last “Five Minutes” and will end with the word “Fine”.

GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over “Nothing” and will end with the word “Fine”.

GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows): This means “I give up” or “do what you want because I don’t care”. You will get a “Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead” in just a few minutes, followed by “Nothing” and “Fine”, and she will talk to you in about “Five Minutes” when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here arguing with you over “Nothing”.

SOFT SIGH: Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. “Soft Sigh” means that she is content. Your best bet is not to move or breathe, and she will stay content.

THAT’S OKAY: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. “That’s Okay” means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. “That’s Okay” is often used with the word “Fine” and in conjunction with a “Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead”. At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO: This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn’t get a “That’s Okay”.

THANKS: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say “you’re welcome”.

THANKS A LOT: This is much different than “Thanks”. A woman will say “Thanks A Lot” when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the “Loud Sigh”. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the “Loud Sigh” as she will only tell you “Nothing”.

What We Can Learn From Dogs

Sooo true:

  • Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy ride.
  • Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
  • When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
  • When it’s in your best interest, always practice obedience.
  • Let others know when they’ve invaded your territory.
  • Take naps and always stretch before rising.
  • Run, romp, and play daily.
  • Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.
  • Be loyal.
  • Never pretend to be something you’re not.
  • If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
  • When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.
  • Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
  • Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
  • Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
  • On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
  • When you are happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
  • No matter how often you are criticized, don’t buy into the guilt thing and pout. Run right back and make friends.

Knut Recycling

Knut, the first Polar Bear to have been born in Berlin’s Zoo for 30 years, has been captivating European hearts since his first apparition at the beginning of this year.

And one can well imagine why:

Alas, within a couple of months, he too will become a spotty teenager followed by an uncouth adult.

So….here are a couple of ways to prolong that sweet ‘lil ‘Teddy Bear‘s usefulness.. Wink

A bear bag, for example

A juicy McKnut?

 

One for the kids: Knutella..

Knut sausage? Mmmmmmmh!

Errm: maybe not..

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