People Over 35 Should Be Dead By Now!

People over 35 should be dead. Here’s why:

According to today’s regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 40′s, 50′s, 60′s, or even maybe the early 70′s probably shouldn’t have survived.

  • Our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paint.

  • We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets, … and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets. (Not to mention the risks we took hitchhiking.)

  • As children, we would ride in cars with no seatbelts or air bags.

  • Riding in the back of a pickup truck on a warm day was always a special treat.

  • We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle. Horrors!

  • We ate cupcakes, bread and butter, and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we were never overweight because we were always outside playing.

  • We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and no one actually died from this.

  • We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then rode down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes.

  • After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

  • We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the street lights came on.

  • No one was able to reach us all day. NO CELL PHONES!!!!! U n t h i n k a b l e !

  • We did not have Playstations, Nintendo 64, X-Boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, video tape movies, DVD’s, surround sound, personal cell phones, personal computers, or Internet chat rooms.

  • We had friends!

  • We went outside and found them.

  • We played dodge ball, and sometimes, the ball would really hurt.

  • We fell out of trees, got cut and broke bones and teeth, and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. They were accidents. No one was to blame but us. Remember accidents?

  • We had fights and punched each other and got black and blue and learned to get over it.

  • We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and ate worms, and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes, nor did the worms live inside us forever.

  • We rode bikes or walked to a friend’s home and knocked on the door, or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them.

  • Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn’t had to learn to deal with disappointment!

  • Some students weren’t as smart as others, so they failed a grade and were held back to repeat the same grade. Horrors!

  • Tests were not adjusted for any reason. Our actions were our own. Consequences were expected.

  • The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law.

    Imagine that!

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers and problem solvers and inventors, ever.

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.

Congratulations…so far…so good!

Please pass this on to others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before lawyers and government regulated our lives, for our own good !!!!!

Rambo’s Next Birthday Present..

Indeed!

That dog is getting FAT! ;-)


Dentist’s X-Ray Nails Source of Toothache

LITTLETON, Colo.—A dentist found the source of the toothache Patrick Lawler was complaining about on the roof of his mouth: a 4-inch nail the construction worker had unknowingly embedded in his skull six days earlier.

A nail gun backfired on Lawler, 23, on Jan. 6 while he was working in Breckenridge, a ski resort town in the Colorado mountains. The tool sent a nail into a piece of wood nearby, but Lawler didn’t realize a second nail had shot through his mouth, said his sister, Lisa Metcalse.

Following the accident, Lawler had what he thought was a minor toothache and blurry vision. On Wednesday, after painkillers and ice didn’t ease the pain, he went to a dental office where his wife, Katerina, works.

“We all are friends, so I thought the (dentists) were joking … then the doctor came out and said, `There’s really a nail,’” Katerina Lawler said. “Patrick just broke down. I mean, he had been eating ice cream to help the swelling.”

He was taken to a suburban Denver hospital, where he underwent a four-hour surgery. The nail had plunged about four centimetres into his brain, barely missing his right eye, Metcalse said.

“The doctors said, `If you’re going to have a nail in the brain, that’s the way you want it to be.‘ He’s the luckiest guy ever.”

Idiot Sightings

IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD: I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: “too many deer were being hit by cars” and he didn’t want them to cross there anymore.


IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for “minimal lettuce.” He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.


IDIOT SIGHTING: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, “Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?” To which I replied, “If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?” He smiled knowingly and nodded, “That’s why we ask.”


IDIOT SIGHTING: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it’s safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, “What on earth are blind people doing driving?!”


IDIOT SIGHTING: At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to “downsizing,” our manager commented cheerfully, “this is fun. We should do this more often.” Not a word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.


IDIOT SIGHTING: I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her couldn’t understand why her system would not turn on.


IDIOT SIGHTING: When my husband and I arrived at an car dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. “Hey,” I announced to the technician, “it’s open!” To which he replied, “I know – I already got that side.”

They walk among us….

Dear Tech Support…

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0.

I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6

I can’t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I’m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn’t work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

Thanks,

A Troubled User

______________________________________

REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!!

It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application “Yes Dear” to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 ! WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,

Tech Support

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